If you would have told me four months ago that my life was going to be this way now, I would have never believed you. Four months ago I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. Trying to decide if I should let go or hold on to someone who clearly did not care about me as much as I thought he did. I was played and I was played to the point where I used to being played. I was numb to all feelings and I was not happy. Then something unexpected happened; someone was placed back into my life, and at that time I didn't know why. At first I thought talking to this person and getting close to this person would be a big mistake, but then I thought to myself "how do you feel when someone doesn't give you a chance?" So I decided I was going to put all of my preconceived notions aside and give him a chance, after all, I knew exactly how it felt to not be given a chance.
Turns out giving him a chance led me to one of the happiest months of my life; January. Then just like life always does, something changed instantly and giving him a chance turned into one of the worst months of my life; February. Once again I found myself stuck between letting go and holding on. I was back in the unhappy place I never wanted to be in again. I wanted so bad to just walk away and never talk to him again but something, something I will never be able to explain, kept me going back or more. I went through the entire month of February going back and forth between feelings, and then I realized I was starting to become numb again. Numb to the point where I wasn't at all myself and didn't even know who I was anymore. Despite feeling like this, I never let go of the person who was causing all of this emotion. I pushed through it, because something inside of me was telling me to hold on. Turns out holding on was exactly what I should have done, it led me to where I am now. Happy. Happier than I have been in a long long time. Excited to see what my future holds. Anxious to see how it all turns out but at the same time taking life one day at a time and enjoying the little things. I'm glad I waited around for something I was going to let go on. I'm glad I stuck it out and made it through it. I'm not happy that him and I had a month of fights and constant disappointments, but I wouldn't change it now. I know that that month caused us to grow as individuals and grow together.
I guess what I'm trying to say is; sometimes, even if no one else agrees with your decisions, you have to follow your heart. Follow what you're feeling. It may feel like there is no light at the end of the tunnel, but there always is. The storm can't last forever.
In every blog, I plan to post a music video that goes along with it. I've realized that every memory in my life has a song that every time I hear it, brings me right back to that place. I first heard this song when I was at my breaking point in February. It was so accurate at the time and truly described how I was feeling. Even though this song is linked to a bad memory, I still love it because it reminds me of all the things him and I have been through.
Until next time,
Kelsey
